Curveballs

The new year has barely started and I've already been knocked back by a couple of major curveballs. But I'm back up on my feet, considering what to do next. Because I do have a choice in how I deal with them. I can't undo what has happened, but I will not be bowled over.

When you're knocked off balance by something unexpected it may not feel like you have any say in what happens next, but you almost always do. Your main project gets pulled. You get reorganised into another role you're really not excited about, working for a new boss who doesn't inspire you. You get laid off. These are all major changes that can feel very much done to you. And they are: very rarely if ever will you be able to reverse such decisions.

Some curveballs are much smaller, and you may not even recognize them for what they are. Someone asks you for help and you do because you can help them. Then the next person asks, and the next, and by the end of the year you look back and see that although you've worked your socks off you've only managed to complete half your objectives. You end up feeling lived, not accomplishing the things that really matter. The good news is: once you see that you have allowed yourself to spend your time on other people's priorities it becomes possible for you to choose your priorities yourself. All you have to do is weigh incoming requests against what you were planning on doing: which will have the greater impact?

Unexpected events, big or small, will plough all over your good intentions and your plans. They just will. Which is why it can really help to make a plan B for when plan A doesn't pan out, as I wrote earlier. When you have a back-up plan you'll be able to switch gears much more quickly because you know what else you can do. You don't have to spend time inventing an alternative solution.

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But you can't have a plan B ready for every scenario. You don't want to be spending time working out in detail what you'll do for major things that are unlikely to happen. It is simply not worth your time, or your sanity. You're better off staying alert to what is actually happening so you can press pause when things start to go off-script. When huge things shift you can absolutely allow yourself to pause. You don't want to react in panic: you'll only regret it later. Instead, get your bearings. What position do you find yourself in now? What is still as it was before, and what is different? Don't qualify your observations as good or bad: simply describe the situation as you find it.

Establishing what is and what isn't can calm us down: we feel more secure and less threatened when we  know what we're facing. We may not like what we see, but seeing it is preferable to the uncertainty of the unknown. When we feel under threat we go into self-preservation mode: we retreat into ourselves, attack, or are stunned into indecision and inaction - commonly referred to as flight, fight or freeze. When on the defense we are unable to think creatively of what our options are. Creative thinking is born out of calm. Don't try and force yourself to brainstorm solutions before you're clear on exactly what is and what is not. You'll find options once you're calm enough to think. Some of them may even be better than what you had originally been planning on doing. Life is funny that way.

If there is anything on your mind that you'd like to talk through, I'm happy to have a chat.

You can find me here if you'd like to find out more about working with me.

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