How selfless should a leader be?

Hi! I'm happy to be back with a newsletter. It's been a while. I've been practicing what I preach, walking my talk, leading by example: I've reprioritised based on the capacity I had so I could get the critical things done. Whilst I hope you find value in my newsletter, it did not make the critical list.

I am sharing this with you so you'd know you are not alone when you sometimes feel there is too much coming at you. We all experience overwhelm from time to time, a certain discomfort with the many things to consider in our decisions. We get more input faster than ever before. And if you are a leader, or even a coach like me, people are relying on you to get them through their own version of making sense of all of it. You absolutely have to reserve some of your energy to give to these people. You cannot use it all yourself. It is therefore critical to anticipate when you are approaching your capacity. Which is personal. Everyone is different. I will argue here that it is a critical leadership skill to anticipate and manage your own capacity to keep showing up as a role model and continue making good decisions, no matter what. The ability to do that with authenticity is the ultimate leadership.

For me personally it has meant making some hard choices about the things I took on, the things I decided to postpone, and the ones I let fade into the background for now. It meant accepting that I might look weak to some. I had to make rebuilding my capacity to be calm and hold space for the experiences of my clients the highest priority. I had to admit that I did not have enough of it to serve my clients as well as I want to and they deserve. Usually my calm is my superpower. So I addressed that as priority number one. Without it there would be no point in me showing up. It felt like a very self-centred choice to make my own capacity the top priority, when in reality it was the only way I could do great work and add value. It might mean a little bit less work for a while, but I would not compromise on quality. Of course I am in the fortunate position that I can make my own decisions on how much work I take on. Most leaders I work with have more strings attached: they form part of an intricate web of commitments, goals and expectations. It can be harder to convince yourself then that choices have to be made, that you cannot do it all well enough. It can also be harder to execute on such choices. But that doesn't make it less critical that you take a good hard look at what is coming down the line, what you are trying to create, and how you are set up to get to where you want to go. If you don't you'll keep working hard putting out fires everywhere but you won't know whether you're actually making progress towards the outcomes you want. You risk spreading yourself so thin your contributions don't hit the executive radar of critical priorities anymore. Can you really afford not to make well-considered choices about what you spend your own resources on?

Do not believe that you should be selfless. We are all human beings. How could you possibly not have a self? You just do, so work with it. Your self is your core resource. Use it wisely. Share it generously. Give it the same consideration you would the people around you. You do consider other people you work with "resources" - cringing, I know, but - HR, anyone?? So why not yourself? Make the shift from self-less to self-aware. Know how you are showing up for the people around you, and manage yourself so you can do so in a consistent, supportive, encouraging way.

You can find me here if you'd like to talk more about this. 

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