Regain Your Calm

I want you to help me to manage my outbursts, he said. I want to get to a point where I am able to challenge an idea without closing the other person down. I know I do that, and now I can even see it happening, but I can't stop myself. It is like a switch was flicked somewhere in the dark, I don't even know where. I want to find that switch and learn to use it wisely. 

Sound familiar?

You absolutely can find your switch, the one that can throw you from calm into overdrive in a split second. It is within you, so you can learn how to work it. Start by thinking back of times when you've wished you'd reacted differently. Gather a few examples and look for common themes. What was being discussed? Who was involved? What did you want from the interaction going in? What made you feel that you were being derailed or thrown off course, exactly? How did you know your switch had been flicked: what sensations did you have in your body? What thoughts crossed your mind? What emotions did you notice?

Once you've found your switch it becomes possible to manage it. You'll start to recognize it being activated earlier, which will give you time to break the circuit. When you catch an early warning sign, pause for a couple of breaths. Or focus on a certain picture or object, or take a sip of your favourite drink - anything that makes you feel calmer. It's only a couple of seconds, nobody will notice. But it is enough to regain your composure and make a conscious choice of what you do next.

You also have another, perhaps more surprising, lever to manage your rising emotion, and this one is not about you: try a little compassion. When you look back over your examples, what were you thinking about the other person in the interaction? That they were blowing their own trumpet, or didn't understand, or wanted to be smarter than you? What if you thought about them with compassion instead?

Try this two-pronged approach to regain your calm. Find your inner switch and infuse your interactions with compassion.

Let me help you fast-track your development. Get in touch!