The secret to peace of mind

My proudest accomplishment of this year is how much more peace of mind I have managed to create for myself, and as a result also for others. I'd go so far as to say I got my life back: I can shoulder the big boulders more easily and find joy even in small things.

As a coach I have to work on my own mindspace: you can only give to others what you have. But anyone who others look to for guidance and support has to create a sense of stability and calm - leaders, parents, role models. So what's the secret?

There really is one, and I believe it to be universal. If you can't change the situation, you have to accept it as it is. Have you tried all you can reasonably be expected to try? Then it is time to stop fighting. Wishing things were different doesn't shift them. Disappointment, frustration or resentment only focus your attention on the cause of your pain. Is that where you want to keep your attention?

For me the answer was a clear no. I was under no illusion that I could change the cause of my pain. I could see that I kept the pain acute by staying with it, almost obessively. I feared that if I let go I would be minimizing the colossal reality of it. But it was crushing me. At a certain point early on this year I knew I had to make a choice between being crushed and finding a space for the pain in my life. Choosing to give the pain a space meant accepting it as a part of my life, letting go of the need to change or undo it. It has been a process, and some days it has been easier than others to be accepting.  But every new way of being, just like any new habit, takes time and dedicated application to form.

My hard won peace of mind certainly helps me guide my coaching clients through their own quests with heart and compassion. It helps me be there for the people I love, too. I have freed up capacity that I can now give to others. And it has not diminished anything that has happened in my life. I have chosen not to be defined by that one thing, but rather by the relationship I have with the people I love and the value I can bring to my clients. I hope I have inspired you to take a look at where your focus is, and how that aligns with what you value most.

If you’d like to explore how you could start your own process of acceptance, let’s talk. Maybe I can help you. Or email me if you prefer!

early morning on Falesia beach