Show yourself
"There's something I want to share before we start, he said. Some feedback for you." We had been working on his making more space for others at work to step into and make a meaningful contribution, and his actively welcoming other ideas. "My wife told me the other day that she's noticed I behave differently with the children: that I am listening to them more, and explaining why I am asking them to do something. There are fewer arguments with the children. She also finds I am more willing to simply be supportive to her when she wants to share something, rather than taking over like I used to do. When she said that, I could see what she meant. I want to thank you for that, because it is the work we've done together that has led me to change the way I behave with my family. I am really surprised to see how I have changed at home, when we only talked about work."
Hearing this was the most touching gift. This is why I love doing what I do. It shows how coaching can change you. We are whole human beings, not a collection of separate personae. When you manage to change how you handle yourself in certain work situations, you are changing how you handle yourself - full stop. Because you learn and practice new ways to respond, rather than how to solve a specific situation.
This is what "bring your whole self to work" is all about. It is not about doing whatever pops into your head regardless of context. It simply means you are encouraged not to partition off parts of you, and instead letting people at work know you. Not having to be terrified of people finding out who you really are, but that being ok.
The idea that people, particularly at work, might see the parts of you that you yourself are finding difficult to accept can be very uncomfortable. We often spend years cultivating a certain professional image, and it may have helped us along to a degree. You don't have to throw that out, but if it feels like work to keep it up, it may be time to allow yourself to show the person you really are a little bit more. It doesn't have to be anything dramatic. Just a little bit. See what happens.
It is very hard work to try and keep a lid on things you feel strongly about, too. You risk boiling over at some inopportune moment. The most sustainable way to manage your professional self, therefore, is to be proactive: seeing clearly what kind of leader you want to be, what matters to you; then figuring out how to bring that to life. It will benefit all aspects of your life. Why not make this a little easier and work with a coach?
