When to coach more
Photo by Debby Hudson on Unsplash
True leaders know their role is to provide opportunities so others can create value, meaning, and growth through their work. But the how can be difficult, particularly when the pressure is on. Sometimes offering the benefit of your perspective does more damage than letting people find their own. Trust me, you are in good company if you've ever kicked yourself for not holding yourself back when you really wish you had.
Next time you feel the urge to tell people what they could do, catch yourself. Take one breath. Or kick yourself now, rather than later. Use the next few seconds to consider:
Who am I really helping here? Am I genuinely helping them, or am I wanting to know exactly what will happen next? If the latter, what do you need more clarity on to be able to leave this in their hands? Maybe this:
What risk am I taking if I let them run with this, realistically? What is at stake? Does this trump the learning they can get from working through this by themselves, with your guidance?
Now get back to your conversation, and get to work together:
What is likely to go wrong? Ask them what risks they see and what plans they have to mitigate for them. Share what risks you see, and ask them what they would do to address those. Help them think all of that through. Investing your time here has the potential for far greater returns than telling them what you would do.
What can I do to track progress and encourage the team to escalate appropriately so I can step in if necessary? Work with them to build a mechanism to give you the visibility you need and them the encouragement to escalate when relevant. They may not get that right 100% from the start, but they'll learn, with your guidance.
What questions do they have that you haven't already discussed?
What else do they need, from you or from others?
This conversation will take no more time than if you told them what they could or should do right now. It may save you follow-up time, and it will definitely make them more capable. Which helps both you and them in the long run. So why is it still such a challenge for so many well-intended leaders? Because we tend to do things on auto-pilot, the way we're used to doing them, when under time pressure. Doing something different initially feels slower simply because it is unfamiliar. That is where taking a breath, or kicking yourself, helps: try it. You'll find it interrupts your default response, and gives you those precious few seconds to judge whether to engage in a coaching conversation.
Get in touch if you’d like some help in how you can have true coaching conversations.
