Wisdom from 2023

Time to wrap up another year. Reflection on experience is where learning happens, so: What have you learnt this year that will help you the next?

Here’s what I am taking away from 2023:

Changing perspective can be incredibly liberating

When you can't change the situation, consider how you can change your perspective on it. Never has this been more crucial in my life than this past year. Faced with a life-shattering reality I could not do anything to fix I knew I had to choose: redefine how I see myself and my purpose or be crushed. Thankfully most difficult situations aren't that big a deal. Maybe you're getting frustrated with a colleague or a neighbour - something you cannot resolve by yourself. That kind of thing can sap your energy. Take a minute to ask yourself whether you will allow this thing to occupy this much headspace? And if not, what can you tell yourself every time the frustration rises to calm yourself back down? Once you realize that you can decide whether you'll stay frustrated or get on with something else, the thing loses its power over you. Things will happen that throw you off balance, but you have a choice in the degree to which you get hooked on them. Will you let the things rule your life, or will you make your own choices?

We are not nearly as rational as we believe we are

This past year has been a stark reminder that we are driven by emotions and  sensations alongside rational thought. They all work together. Becoming aware of what these signals tell us about ourselves allows us to  calm ourselves down so we can make a considered choice. It has become super clear to me that this has to be the core of my work as a coach: helping people clear a path to well-considered actions, so they feel their life is well lived. Give people back a sense of being in charge of their own life choices. I am deepening my knowledge and practice by taking a course in Neuroscience in coaching so I can help my clients generate impactful change faster.

Adopting a new way of doing something takes practice, a lot of practice

I've recently taken up golf. Experienced players were telling me that "how well you play is all in the mind". Clearly they've forgotten that there was a time when they had to actually learn the technical aspects of the game. I'm sure for them, by now, the technique is a given and how well they play on a given day comes down to their state of mind, but to a total beginner it seems a highly technical sport. I understand what my coach is telling me to do, and yet it takes a lot of very repetitive practice for me to get consistency in hitting the ball as I intend. But what a feeling when I do! Totally worth it. I suppose it is good to experience this first hand again, given that I encourage my clients to stick with a new behaviour even when it "feels unnatural". Something we're not used to doing this way will feel unnatural until we've practiced it a number of times.

Trust someone to help you see yourself

Being aware of ourselves also has an external component: how do people around you perceive you? Do they see you as you intend to be seen? You cannot observe yourself. You can't. The only way to know is by being willing to hear it from someone you trust: trust that they want to help you enough that they are willing to say what needs to be said in a way that you will receive - both good and bad. Take my golf practice. It helps me tremendously when someone more experienced than me, who I have asked to help me, reflects back what they are observing. If you trust the person you're asking, they can help you see what others are seeing. Just like in coaching.

As this year, the hardest year in my life, is coming to an end, I can honestly say the horizon promises beautiful skies ahead. I have learnt so much. The best way I know to turn these difficult learnings into something worthwhile is by applying them to my coaching. I hope the wisdom I have gained this year will be of service to my clients.

Happy holidays!

visual design by Eva-Lotta Lamm

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